At the end of April, 2023, we said our last 'I love you's' to our sweet girl, Tobi. She was re-homed to us when she was 5, and we were gifted an incredible 10 years with her. At the age of 15, she was ready to say goodbye.
It has been difficult to walk through the journey of losing such an integral part of our family. She was, and is, a precious soul that brought moments of immense joy and love to our lives.
The number of times that I still walk through the front door expecting to be greeted is more often than not. I can look at a photo and feel her presence immediately. The tears come still. My heart aches and I miss her in so many ways.
Although I've surrendered somewhat to her absence, the truth is it's still difficult. There is no timeline for grief. Every person has their own journey with it. When we love someone or a beloved pet, and they die, then that love suddenly has no where to go. This is the dichotomy that pains us. A conflict that can only be met, over and over again.
As we approached the year mark in April, I sense less heaviness, and more gratitude for the memories. Pet loss is sometimes a disenfranchised kind of grief - and I'm here to say that it is grief, nonetheless. It is valid and difficult, and the sadness runs deep.
She taught me so much:
how to play
what it means to love unconditionally
the importance of presence
how to be grateful
how to not care about rain or mud, because it doesn't really matter
why every single moment matters
how to cultivate patience and understanding
and how to let go
She opened my heart.
And finally, she helped me learn how to say goodbye and meet grief again.
If you have had someone close to you die, and the love you have for them has nowhere to go, my wish for you is that you allow yourself to mourn and grieve without judgement, without holding back the tears, and to keep speaking their name and remembering the beautiful time you had together. There is no timeline nor an end to grief. It's a constant companion that may change and transform over time. And yet, it will remain, just as the love will continue.
Please take a few minutes to take in the beautiful and sweet energy of our Toberoni Floof.
And if you have experienced pet loss, I offer my deepest sorrow for your loss as well.
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